Gracen and Kevin Geagan share four "relationship non-negotiables," including nightly prayer and not drinking alcohol without each other
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The couple's boundaries sparked debate online, but they emphasize that these choices create clarity and strengthen their relationship
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Their story has inspired others, especially those in age-gap relationships, to adopt more intentional relationship practices
When Gracen and Kevin Geagan sat down to film a video detailing their "relationship non-negotiables" in late April, they had no idea it would garner such a passionate response online.
The couple, who have a 34-year age gap, started the video by explaining that they "pray together every single night."
"Most of the time, Kevin leads the prayer, but every now and again, I'll take control," Gracen, 26, said in the video, before Kevin, 60, jokingly chimed in, "God knows I need praying over every now and then."
The automobile dealer explained that, "regardless of your faith," taking intentional time to express gratitude, thanks, and well wishes for others not only centers their relationship but also themselves as individuals.
However, it was the couple's second non-negotiable related to drinking alcohol that caused the most stir.
"We don't drink alcohol without each other," Gracen explained. "I know there're gonna be comments who find this absurd and crazy, but there's a vulnerability in drinking and being intoxicated, and that's not something I want to be without my partner present."
Kevin was quick to note that they each made the decision "individually," insisting that it was not something he implemented as a way of "controlling her."
"We didn't impose it on one another," he emphasized, noting that they "very much enjoy drinking socially, together, and with our friends, but it's not something we want to do without one another."
However, some commenters under the video, which garnered nearly 13 million views, were quick to label their marriage "strict," which Gracen tells PEOPLE couldn't be farther from the truth.
"Interestingly, we had never heard that perspective until this particular video," she says. "We've never thought of these as 'rules,' because that can carry a more negative or rigid connotation, and that's not how it feels in our relationship at all."
"To us, they're better described as boundaries — things that help keep us aligned and supportive of what's best for our relationship."
The couple, who wed in November 2025, echoed that sentimentin a follow-up videoabout the "controversial" principle, reiterating that it's "not about restriction, it's just about not putting ourselves in a place where we're vulnerable without each other."
Gracen — who owns a charcuterie business in Greenville, S.C. — emphasizes to PEOPLE that boundaries aren't about constraint, but rather give their relationship "shape."
"Without them, even something beautiful can lose its direction," she says. "For us, these choices create a sense of clarity and ease, not limitation."
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While a select group of commenters criticized their boundaries around drinking, she notes that they've also received plenty of positive responses, which have "been the most meaningful part of all of this."
"We've heard from a surprisingly large number of people who are also in age-gap relationships who have reached out to say they feel more comfortable and confident after seeing our story shared openly," she shares.
"We've also received messages from people who are currently struggling in their relationships, saying they plan to incorporate some of these ideas — or wish they had earlier — which has been really impactful to hear," she adds.
Along with their habits surrounding prayer and alcohol consumption, the couple's other two non-negotiables in the original video related to handling conflict.
The couple explained that they are committed to "serving each other even in disagreements."
"It's easy to serve someone when it's 70 degrees and sunny, but when a thunderstorm rolls through, or inclement weather or you face a headwind, it becomes a little more difficult," Kevin explained in the video. "So we try to maintain our standards of behavior toward one another and kindness and courtesy, even if we are having a disagreement."
When asked what that looks like in practice, Gracen tells PEOPLE that, for them, "it comes down to remembering that even in a disagreement, this is still your closest person — your best friend — and someone who ultimately has your best interests at heart."
"In practice, that means shifting out of a mindset of trying to 'win' and instead focusing on understanding," she adds. "It can look like listening more intentionally, taking a step back when needed, or even doing something thoughtful for the other person in the middle of a disagreement."
"It keeps things grounded in the idea that you're on the same team, working through something together rather than against each other."
Their final non-negotiable is that they "don't keep score," or keep a list — mental or physical — of "all the ways they've been slighted."
Kevin explained that one of the best pieces of advice he got from his father was that in marriage, a lot of people focus on making it 50/50, when, in reality, everyone should "give their all" — a "full 100% each."
While the couple knows every relationship looks different, Gracen tells PEOPLE that, in the end, she hopes they inspire people to focus on "having better, more intentional relationships."
"Bottom line, I think people hear 'rules' and they think 'control,' but we hear 'clarity' and we think 'alignment,' " Kevin added in their follow-up TikTok.
"It's not for everybody, but it works for us. So you do you, and we'll do us," Gracen ended.
Read the original article onPeople
